What a Year!

So it's been approximately 1 year since I posted last and what a year its been! Here's what has happened...

Our dream of becoming a family has been fulfilled.  On January 29, 2013, we found out that we were pregnant! 37 weeks later, Emma Rose Perry made her appearance.  To say that her delivery was scary was an understatement and it still brings tears to my eyes when I think about how horrifying it was--and yet I would go through it all again in a heartbeat.  She may be small and tiny, but the best things come in the smallest of packages.  I've also seen my husband in a new light and it was a light that I didn't think I would ever see.  He's much more gentle now, not as rushed to do things.  He wasn't always rushed with things, but there was a certain "get up and go" to him that used to get under my skin at times.  Now, he's much more calm and relaxed when it comes to doing stuff.

I graduated from college in March 2013 with my Bachelor's in Psychology.  I haven't done anything with it yet, but I plan on going onto graduate school for my master's in Industrial/Organizational Psychology.  I love psychology and trying to figure out what makes people tick, but I'm not one to sit there and listen to everyone's problems on a daily basis.  Besides, being a counselor doesn't pay worth a damn and has a high burn out rate.  As an I/O psychologist, I would do a lot of consulting work and work with human resources to help employers find the right employee for the job as well as do job training--this I can do. I already have experience in training my department peeps with things...anything after that should be a breeze.

As I look back at my previous posts, I realize that I'm using my blog as form of sweet release from everyday life...a means of venting those things that I'm too hesitant to vent to others about.  This won't change in the coming year, although I'll try to post more often.

One of my goals for this year is to become healthier and skinnier.  I only gained 9 pounds my whole pregnancy (its what being on a strict carb diet will do to ya), but I feel bigger than I ever have before.  I'm actually below my pre-pregnancy weight, but I feel like a cow.  I know it sounds cliche and all, but I want to be around for my daughter.  I'm not going to be all organic/vitamin supplementing/workout crazy healthy because to me, that isn't healthy.  Most of the organic foods are too expensive to buy and really have no additional nutritional benefits than your GMO treated produce.  A banana is a banana, get over it! Most vitamin supplements are more additives than actual vitamins, so its pointless to waste money on it (your basic vitamins are ok, but to take off-the wall named stuff that most people haven't heard of is crazy...like taking pineapple oil to help a sprain.  I know some co-workers who have personally kept the supplement industry afloat with all the crap they buy because it's "healthy").  As far as the working out goes...I honestly hate the sweat.  I hate how I feel when I sweat and I hate how I smell afterwards.  I understand that exercise is one of the key components to losing weight, but I don't think that I need to be a sweaty pig to lose a few pounds.  There's plenty of ways to lose weight without being a pig about it.  People who spend 40hours each week in the gym make me sick.  Your body doesn't look natural when you're done and people weren't meant to have 32-inch biceps.  Is your life that lonely that you have to spend that much time at the gym? I've thought about running (yes, I know, that involves sweat), but I'm not planning on running the Boston Marathon or the Iron Man.  I have a plan in mind for losing my weight, I just need to pull it off.  The first thing  I need to do is get my food and beverage consumption under control.  Once I do that, I'll start incorporating some exercise.

Freedom!!

I have done it! I'm now one of a small growing trend who are finally saying "no" to Facebook.  Brian didn't think I would do it (I've been a die-hard facebooker for years), so I sat down with him last night, logged onto my account for the last time and had him watch me press the "deactivate my account" link and that was it.

My final post said I was doing it for various reasons...here's a few of them:
1.) It was getting pointless. Granted, it was a great way to kill time at work, but they're not paying me to sit on Facebook while I scan (contrary to popular belief).  I would read the exact same post from 5 different people and it was a complete "omg" moment.  I don't care that you're ex boyfriend is dating someone that you know--its life, that happens so get over it!  I don't want to read how much your life sucks when you (and expecting a lot of people to respond to it) when you don't take the time or day to say hi to anyone else.

2.) It was fake. Most of the people on my "friend" list were those from high school.  I sat down and realized this while I was contemplating deleting my account.  I HATED HIGH SCHOOL--why would I want to relive it?  Most of the people on my "friend" list wouldn't give me the time of day 10 years ago, why would that change now? And of course, it didn't.  I went into it with the nativity that people change over the years and they don't--if they didn't talk to you 10 years ago, they're still not talking to you now.

3.) I was becoming a Facebook stalker.  I would go through my "friend" list and realize that I hadn't seen anything posted from person A in awhile. I would check out their friend list and click on people I thought I knew/knew of and so on...when you step back and think about it, Facebook is nothing but a stalker's playground.

4.) The privacy was out the door.  As stated above, I was becoming a stalker as many millions of people often become on that website.   They have a new "timeline" format that it essentially being forced upon everyone that just opens up that stalker's playground that I was talking about.  Sure, they say that you can change your privacy settings, but in order to get the privacy that you want, then the only person who can see what you post is..you (which kinda takes away from the "social" aspect of a social network, huh?)

5.) Its social suicide.  People are becoming increasingly idiotic with the progression of Facebook.  Yes, its great for those who live far away.  However, people are also stupid enough (as I was) to have their boss or co-workers on their friend list.  That just opens things up to a heap of trouble and I have read where people have gotten in trouble at work because of what was posted on their Facebook page.  On one hand, I can see it as an invasion of privacy, however, you had your boss/co-worker on your friend page and you knew that they would be able to see whatever you posted.  Now if its posted while you're at work..then you're just plain stupid because you're using company time to do it.

I remember when people were freaking out about the lack of social contact when email and instant messengers became popular.  The same can be said for Facebook, only its been proven.  I have seen people change throughout the last 10 years since high school via Facebook to the point where I don't want to go to my high school reunion this year--kinda takes away the surprise of it all in my opinion. I gave people on my "friend" list plenty of time yesterday to send me their contact information to keep in touch with and very few people sent me their info...guess it goes to show who your friends really are, huh?

I think what's even more scary is that you don't truly "deactivate" your account.  Once you click on the link and tell them why you're leaving (they have reasons for everything on how you can correct your Facebook issues) there is a pop-up that says "Your account has been deactivated. If you wish to return, simply log in with your old email address and password and you can pick up where you left off".  REALLY???  That gives me great comfort in knowing my account information is still saved on their server just in case I want to come back.

hmmm...

Braces are coming off soon!  In approximately 25 days, the braces are coming off....all pending of course on what the orthodontist has to say but he sounded pretty optimistic that they are vaminos!

My American lit class so far is rather interesting...not because of the course material that we're reading but because of the people who are in it.  Some of these individuals aren't too terribly bright...kinda makes me wonder how they're going to turn out in their degree program or is this the type of individual that Baker is graduating?  I seriously hope not.

Post Baker...Brian wants me to stick to the online class format, but I'm not sure if that's the proper route to take with my Masters.  I'm also contemplating getting my certification in Forensic psychology, which is something that has always been of great interest to me--mainly the forensic aspect.

The holidays went well...no one killed anyone.  I decided, however, that I"m not going to be traveling all over the place like what we've done for the last couple years.  Its getting too expensive and its doing way too much in a short period of time.  All it does is create extra stress and tension around here to the point where Brian and I are almost at each others throats because we're deciding on what to get for whom and whether or not we should even get something for someone...too much headache.  If people want to celebrate the holidays with me, then they can come to me.  I have no problem putting on a large dinner for everyone and having a gift exchange that way.  That's how we did it when I was a kid (granted, it only happened once or twice due to $$), but at least everyone got together.  Besides, I think it would be a good time for the respective families between Brian and myself to finally meet.  We've been together almost 10 years and this would be a first for everyone to meet everyone else.  Some of Brian's family have met my peoples, but not the group as a whole. I think it would be a great idea, but Brian doesn't think so.  I know there's differences between my family and his, but I don't think he realizes how similar they actually are...

Lil' this...Lil' that

Ok, so it’s been roughly 4 months since I’ve updated last…oopsie :o/


When I wrote last, I had written on how I may not partake in PSP 2012 in August. That is still up in the air. I’ve realized that this is mainly Brian’s thing, but I still need to support him in hobbies just as he has supported me in mine. Of course, given his current health status, I may be forced to go anyways. When I last wrote about Brian’s health, the doctors were thinking that he may be having small seizures and that this was the cause of the dizziness that he was experiencing. This is still the train of thought, however, he has also started to have syncopal vasovagal episodes where he passes out when checking his blood sugar. It doesn’t happen every time he checks it, but twice in 1 week is more than enough for me. I think it may reach a point in which I am no longer able to work because I’ll have to keep an eye on him 24/7. I really hope it doesn’t reach that point, but ya never know. The neurologist he sees now thinks that he has sleep apnea on top of everything else, mainly because he awakens in the morning—he’s still tired and not refreshed (not to mention he snores like no other!) Since he’s having these episodes and taking anti-seizure meds, he’s not supposed to be driving (state of Michigan kinda frowns on it I guess), so this means I technically have to drive him wherever he goes. If he’s going someplace close to home, then he’ll drive. Other than that…just call me chauffeur. We go see the sleep specialist next month and we’ll go from there. Speaking of next month, why doesn’t it seem to take so long to get into see a doctor or get a test done? This isn’t Canada for Pete’s sake!

The last four months have seen the birth of Ducktastic Photography, which is my own little on the side photography business. Granted, it’s taken off like a snail in a NASCAR race but it’ll get there in its own time. I’m glad it’s gotten off to a rather slow pace because with everything that’s going on lately, I just don’t have the time to focus on it fulltime. Between working funky hours at work and school and trying to figure out what’s going on with my husband has pretty much consumed all of my time.

Speaking of the first 2 out of those 3, I guess I can update what’s going on with those as well. Work is well…work. There are times in which going there takes every fiber of my being and there are other days where it’s not so bad. Lately, it’s been an even combination of both. Morale is relatively low compared to this time last year, but the economy has taken a turn for the worse and there’s just more coming out of the paycheck than what’s available to take home. Obviously, this makes people really upset-->upset people complain-->continuous complaints drive down morale.

School, like work, is what it is. I’m almost done, just 9 classes to go! I’ve realized the downside of taking online classes—ok, I realized this a while ago but just now decided to admit it—they’re not challenging enough for me. Not in the least bit. The only challenge for me is to actually sit down and read the book/material. The stuff that is presented isn’t anything that I can’t Google myself or research for my own personal knowledge. I think I may do my master’s degree on campus after this experience. My fear in doing that, though, is that I may realize how little I actually learned from my online classes and will become the failure that I have worked so hard to not become.

What a weekend...

This weekend was the infamous Parson Street Pilgrimage (better known as PSP).  Last year it was fun because it was something new and exciting--watching guitars being made from scratch and watching 40 year old men with the giddiness of a child is nothing short of entertaining.

This year was different, however. It coule be simply because nothing has changed since last year--everyone is still the same, everyone pretty much looks the same (there are a few exceptions in every crowd I guess), but it was just different.  I noticed that I was much more grumpy and dare I say---bitchy---this year and I think it was noticed by a few people.  The weather was unbearable (I can tolerate a lot, but when I have to go lay in the car and turn on the A/C, you know its pretty bad!). I pretty much decided that I didn't want to come back next year.  I'm not sure if I'm going to or not, I guess I'll know more come next year, huh?

I did, however, have the opportunity to take some pretty kick ass pictures and even have someone who wants to buy them...how freakin cool is that???

When's it my turn??

There's the old addage that "when it rains, it pours"....lately, its felt like its a torrential downpour for me.  Nothing I do turns out correctly, no matter how hard I try.  It seems like every attempt I made at doing anything just simply blows up in my face.  I try to be nice to people (especially those whom I know don't like me) and they're just snot-nosed bitches to me in return--I get the How dare you even think of speaking in my presence-attitude.  I don't have to put up with it and I refuse to put up with it any longer.  If people want to be asses and bitches to me, they've got another thing coming.  Of course, I say this, but in reality, I'm more like my mom than I'd like to admit--I don't fight back, I just sit there and take it and make myself feel like shit later for letting them talk to me that way. I guess by treating others the way they treat me doesn't make me any better than they are, does it?  Maybe in this case, being the bigger person means sucking it up and dealing with it, hoping they get their just dessert in the end (and considering the fact that I know who I'm talking about--and probably no one else does--this particular individual will not receive any type of consequences for being a bitch to everyone.  I guess that's the advantage of being one of the lead tech's best friends, huh?

I have yet another reason to put off mother-hood, and this one may be the icing on the cake.  Brian went to see the neurologist today because everyone up to this point thinks that he has orthostatic hypotension.  The neurologist, Dr. Nahhas, thinks that Brian may be having small seizures when he has these episodes.  She's leaning more towards this than the OH because with the OH, people tend to black out and pass out.  Brian doesn't do that.  He gets really disorientated and confused, he knows what he wants to say but can't seem to say it, and he gets a look of sheer terror in his eye that is downright frightening to me.  He also gets really jittery like his sugar is too high/too low, which causes him to freak out even more.  As of right now, the next step is to do a sleep-deprived 8 hour EEG--this of course, means that I too will be sleep deprived because I'm the one who has to keep him up all night for his test.  He's also spent time with the cardiologist because our PCP wants to make sure that there's nothing going on with his heart as well that could be a potential underlying factor in everything.  AND to top it all off, we recently found out that Brian's pancreas has officially taken a shit on him so he's now a type 1 diabetic.  This means that he's gone from 1 injection/day of insulin to 7--yes, 7 injections/day!  According to the endocrinologist, Brian's immune system simply destroyed the rest of his beta cells (his insulin-producin ones) and he's not producing any insulin on his own.  There's no getting rid of this one via diet/exercise--he's stuck with it for the rest of his life.

I know that having kids is supposed to be the pinnacle of a woman's life (ok, for 99.9% of women, it is anyways), but I can't seem to bring myself to willingly bring a child into this world with all the of the potential medical disasters they may inherit from Brian and myself.  My adrenal issues alone would be sufficient to not even try and I can't willingly subject our child to a life of caring for his/her parents at a young age because they are no longer able to care for themselves due to various health issues. 

I just wish someone would tell me what to think because I'm really tired of trying to figure stuff out on my own.  It hurts too much to think about all of the possible consequences that can result from just one single action.  I guess no matter what way I look at it, I'm pretty much fucked, huh?

Just a minor health scare....

For the second time this year, the paramedics were called to help Brian.  The first time was around Valentine's Day when he was up north with Alicia and became rather intoxicated (both he and John claim that he didn't have that much to drink) and again on Thursday when he became really confused and scared the bejeezers out of his co-workers.  When we got the the ER, I wasn't too terribly happy with the fact that they made me wait in the waiting room for 15mins while they got him registered...granted, he was able to give them the information that they needed, but what if he wasn't able to??

From what Brian was saying, he felt fine one minute and tipsy-drunk the next without any warning.  He tried to get his one co-worker's attention but wasn't able to, and finally put his hand on another co-worker's arm and managed to say that he didn't feel right. His co-workers called paramedics because they thought he was having a stroke of some sort because he was fine one minute and completely out of it and confused the next.  They called me, I met up with them and by that time the paramedics had arrived.  All said and done, they blamed it on Brian's sugar being high, said that he had orthostatic hypotension and sent us home with some anti-dizzy meds.

Here's my question...why is it that whenever a diabetic is ill, it all gets blamed on their blood sugar?  I think that there may be something going  on with Brian's inner ear (possibly a small neuroma??) and that's what has been making him dizzy lately.  Yes, I understand that blood sugar being out of sync can cause a plethora of issues, but not every single one!  I want someone to set aside the fact that he's diabetic and actually examine him as if he weren't.  By doing this, he would at least get a CT or MR of his head where I think the problem actually lies.  The anti-dizzy meds they gave him knock him on his rump (he slept for 11 solid hours yesterday and has practically slept all day today) and really leave him in a fog that neither he or I greatly appreciate.